Friends keep falling away from me. It happened in High School, My two best friends from those times are strangers now. One of them makes me physically ill to think about and the other is just... too far. We haven't had the same things in common for so long. Too long. Then I made new friends in college. At the end of college i fell out with one and she told me I didn't deserve to have friends. That's stuck with me for all this time. I can't remember what we said to each other apart from that one sentence. Again, I keep going back to that. And thinking about what i could have said back but then realise i can't say anything now. There's nothing i can do. Just move on.
University... I had what i thought were good friends. They slowly fell away. One became a bully and I didn't really know the extent of it until months after living with her. It made me physically sick how she treated me and my other friend who had then been turned against me.
A friend from high school who I hadn't been all that close to then helped me through things at uni and helped even more afterwards. And now she's gone too. It hurts me all over again to think about how much she's pulled away when I dont think I've done anything. And now it's too late to do anything about. Just be sad and angry and annoyed when the realisation continues to hit home over and over again. In the early days I would cry if I had a dream about her. Because the dream would be of how things were and I'd wake up and not even be able to tell her about it because things had changed so much. I think the worse thing about it all is that she doesn't realise. I have someone who I've grown closer to now. Another friend who right now feels like the closest person in the world. Who I can tell anything to, and who will always be there for me and who I've been there for. I sometimes think that she too will grow away from me and I'll loose her like I've lost so many others. At least I know I'll eventually get over it.. Mostly. If it happens. I sometimes think my only real friendships are the ones maintained online. And thats depressing. I can't spend the time I'd like with these friends because we have such separate lives offline and they too - more often - grow apart from me. Or I from them. With one singular exception. Almost.
It is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. Is that the same to being loved?
KEEP SCROLLING FOR SIMS THINGS
I've lost a grand total of 1lbs since starting a healthier lifestyle. It's been over a month. I'm beyond proud. Also satcastic. I want to be a size 18 or less by June. And I want to be a 14 by September or I will NOT be going to EGX at all. I'm going to have to deny myself treats until I lose more weight. More walks, more exercise, less stuffing my face because it's friday. Fat ass.
I like my job. I want to stay in it. It's temporary right now. I can't say "gimme this full time or i walk" because the likely response is "so walk".. I need this. I need to move out, I need to expand my spaces, I need to move in with Max so we can start our lives together. I've been told the job would be advertised on 16th February and it's now 23rd March and haven't been able to apply yet. I have extra hours coming up to get me some more money at least. Hopefully that'll come in time for the day trip to Harry Potter studios in June. I need a holiday.